Last night a friend of mine hinted very very strongly at liking me. My first instinct was "Oh poop oh poop dodge this at all costs!" I ended up dodging it, but not without stepping on a few toes.
First he was talking about how he'd never had so much trouble talking to a girl before I came around, and he asked if I was getting the hint. Of course I was, but what was I supposed to do? Have a repeat of the Trub situation? I don't think so. When in doubt, lie till your pants catch fire. Play dumb, whatever you have to do to avoid conflict.
I told him that I was a difficult person to talk to. Then I tried to change the subject to cupcakes. He, being Mr. One Track Mind, wasn't deterred. He said things like, "Why are you so you?" and "I'm an idiot because you're so you."
Ohhhhh poop. Please please don't tell me you like me, then it will be out in the open that I know, and I will have to switch to awkward-as-hell mode. Don't make me do that.
So what do I do next? Lie some more. I asked him if what he had to say was important, because if it was I couldn't handle it right now, because "my friend 'Robert' told me he liked me earlier and I was tired of people falling for me and tired of hurting people." It sounds callous, but it had to be done.
At first I thought he got the hint, but of course, he was whiny about it. "I'll just take a backseat." Whatever, man. Does it seem like an even slightly good time to tell me you like me? Am I coming off as interested? I don't think I'm coming off that way.
And THEN he asked if I liked anybody at the moment... You can probably guess what I did. Lied. I said "To be honest, I'm kind of into Leo again, but mostly I'm just burnt off men. They aren't my thing right now."
"Oh. I'm such an idiot."
I tried arguing with him about that, but everybody knows that's a Herculean feat. So in the end, I just decided to stop answering his texts.
If he asks, I fell asleep. I don't have the time or energy to deal with more hurt feelings.