In addition to Buddhism, I've been doing some reading on Freudian psychology. Specifically his studies and ideas about dreaming. I've often thought that dreams were really relevant to life, the windows into true subconscious desires and wants.
Recently my dreams have been pulling me in multiple directions. Specifically three. I don't want to seem shallow here, but I am a sixteen year old girl. Yes, the dreams are romantic dreams. No, I don't think I will act on them soon. Maybe not ever.
So my three directions? Probably predictable, to those who know me. But I don't want to mention any names.
First direction would be down the road of a certain somebody from my past. We'll call him "Techie."
My dreams involving Techie aren't exclusively romantic. But a lot of the time, they end up with me in a compromising position, often taking some blind leap of faith with him. Sometimes it's literal, meaning he takes my hand and we jump off something that I know is high up. Oh, metaphors. And sometimes it just ends with us doing normal things we used to do, like laying in the grass and me resting my head on him. Sometimes we kiss. It varies.
Second direction would be somebody I pined over for a while but thought I was pretty much over. We'll call him "Actor."
The problem is, I don't get the opportunity to see Actor that often. So when I'm dreaming and he shows up, it's usually a cause for some excitement. In my dreams I'm excited to see him, and somehow we usually end up together on a physical level. This is in stark contrast with Techie, because in those dreams it's usually purely emotional. With Actor, it's usually purely physical. Except sometimes he'll say something like, "I didn't think [insert name of certain inked health nut here] was right for you anyway." And then we kiss a lot. Huh. This might be because Actor and I have the least romantic association of the three in real life.
The third and final is somebody who I "dated" for a brief period, but to be honest, it ended because neither of us had any idea what we were doing. We'll call him "Gamer."
The dreams involving gamer are less intense on both accounts. This may be because he's inexperienced in the field of romance, but he's definitely the least forward and most understated of the three. Most of the dreams are exactly the same, what one would call a recurring dream. We're sitting in his basement playing some video game when he pauses it out of nowhere and kisses me. I'm confused, but not angry. He says, "I suppose that was self explanatory," and it does it again. Then I usually wake up.
The Gamer dreams are the most recent out of all the three, I think because I overheard my friend Papa Smurf tell Gamer he thinks we should get back together. I guess that got me thinking.
If dreams are the windows to the subconscious, I'm pretty conflicted below the surface.