Friday, July 16, 2010

Oh, my teenage problems...

So yesterday, I had one of those moments that start out as seemingly meaningless that turn into something pretty defining.
I broke up with "Trub" yesterday after about 2 dates and a week or two of being his "girlfriend." I've had worse breakups, and being the dumper sucks almost as much as being the dumpee. I just hate hurting people. Especially people I care about, like Trub.
My question is, why couldn't I let myself fall for him like he did me? Did I quit because I'm scared of getting hurt? I like to think that wasn't the case, because I've definitely had intense infatuation since last summer.
Trub said he was "disappointed." Which is worse than mad, in my mind... I can't stand seeing sadness in somebody's features and knowing I'm the cause. I'd rather punch myself in the eyes repeatedly.
I had a really hard time explaining myself to him. I had it all planned out, too. I knew what I wanted to say. But when the time finally came, I stuttered and second guessed and tripped over my words like mad. I may have the gift of eloquence in everyday life, but when it really counts, I sound like an illiterate moron.

2 comments:

a thinker said...

*hug* You did the right thing though. He was too..."I'm the almighty health nut! bow before my inked-up-ness!"

Vashta Narada said...

I know.... I guess he did have a bit of a masculinity complex. Why is it that I tend to gravitate towards men that are more fruity?